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14 November 2011 @ 02:58 pm
fic: Aliquis Ut Me Conservat 3/? [Destiel AU, SPN]  
Title: Aliquis ut me conservat 3/?
Author: angelicmercy
Rating: NC/17 overall, this one PG
Genre and/or Pairing: Dean/Cas, angst, AU
Spoilers: nope
Warnings: angst, schmoop, boys kissing
Word Count: WIP
Summary: Castiel is a philosopher in Ancient Rome, the emperor Commodus’ best friend. He sits at his right side and offers moral guidance as well as friendship. One day Commodus decides to assign Castiel with his own Praetorian bodyguard to protect him as the emperor’s enemies gather up. Already at the start, Dean realises Castiel isn’t like the rest of the citizens of the Rome. Actually he isn’t like anybody he ever met. The heat between them is something neither of them can fight and soon they fall for each other. But the fate is not on their side as Castiel is to marry Commodus sister Livia and forget his love for Dean.
A/N: Written with the help of caz2y5 I'm so sorry for the long hiatus, but my muse was dead, killed by extensive university duties and exams.

“I should like to lie at your feet and die in your arms.”

the amazing header made by caz2y5

Castiel wasn’t sure what to think anymore. Dean certainly did know how to ask the delicate question to which people didn’t want to give a proper answer. Castiel knew it was wrong of him to hold any resent over what Dean said and asked. Of course the man was curious. Castiel always kept to himself and didn’t really allow anybody close enough. He even kept Commodus at some distance from himself. He was thought to be that way. To distance himself from the others. He was a young boy when he found out the meaning of loneliness. 

The house smelt of warm bread and cooked meat. The servants had already dined and Merula offered both him and Dean something to eat as they walked into the house. Castiel smiled at her and nodded in appreciation. Castiel really ate little at the party, not so fond of the food he found there or actually having an appetite. And he knew Dean didn’t get anything to eat because he was too occupied with watching over him. Good thing though because Castiel obviously needed a bodyguard to get rid of annoying Lucius.

Castiel lead Dean to the lounge room and sat down at the small couch. The lounge room also served as a dinning room so there was some fruit left on the main table behind the couch. Castiel pointed his hand at the remaining two free couches and Dean sat a bit uneasily on the one far away from Castiel. It was as if Dean was being suspicious about being asked to sit with Castiel because the servants usually ate in the kitchen and not in the dinning room.

The scarlet padding soft against Castiel’s fingers as he leans closer to the end of the couch. His eyes glued to Dean as he gazed around at the frescoes. Castiel himself picked this house because it had beautiful wall paintings and had a warm feeling, almost like home to him. The paintings were a combination of the third and fourth Pompeian style and they showed various landscapes and myths. It was like a big, colourful story on his own walls.

“My lord, you don’t have to…” Dean began and Castiel gazed at him. His head snapped to him and he noticed how Dean jerked.

It was a faint, almost unnoticeable move, but Castiel saw it because he was looking for it. The clear sighs of Dean being so nervous in his presence.

“I’m here because you are clearly affected with my words and I wish to clear that.” Castiel says softly as Timon comes in with the wine.

Castiel’s eyes moving from Dean’s as he looks at the servant and smiles. Timon sets two glasses and fills them with sweet red wine. Castiel smells the familiar, slightly sour tang of the wine and thanks Timon for bringing it. His eyes moving back to Dean’s which were staring at the wine in the glasses. Then Timon turns around and tells them he will attire for the night and Castiel nods. They won’t be here too long so Timon was free. The plate with food arrived after him, Merula smiling at them both. Various meet and vegetables smelled so nicely on the plate and Castiel smiled at her. Merula was the best cook ever, he even liked her cooking better than the one in the palace.

“I had no right asking those questions, my lord.” Dean says softly as if he was apologising. Castiel shook his head, but Dean couldn’t see it so Castiel sighed and spoke.

“Haven’t I already told you that you may ask any question you like? My will is whether I will answer them. It still stands.” Castiel had to wonder what happened to the boy to be so fearful. On the other hand, they were all learned to submit to their masters, so Castiel truly shouldn’t be surprised about the fact that Dean tried so hard to please him.

Ah yes, the life of a soldier was quite hard and Castiel suddenly felt empathy. His chest tightening at all the possible bad experience that Dean had in his life. He shouldn’t be doing this however, feel so much empathy with his servants, with pretty much anybody that had any innocence in them. The emperor always chided him about it. But as always with Castiel, he was too curious for his own good. Somehow, talking to this man he realised Dean was also curious.

“But I was curious and I offended you, my lord.” Dean began once more, his eyes slightly wide when he finally looks at him. Probably not understanding why Castiel wasn’t raging with anger at Dean for molesting his private life with questions.

“By implying that being different is wrong?” Castiel rose an eyebrow, not sure if Dean even wanted to imply such a thing in the first place or it came out unintentionally.

“My lord, I would never…” The hazel eyes dark from the lack of light were wide in slight fear. But Castiel could see beyond the veil of the hazel eyes. Realisation was quite astonishing.

The fear was makeshift. A clever disguise of a well trained soldier to show his master just what he wants and Castiel saw right through it. He was serving it to Castiel on a silver platter. Which made Castiel very amused. Because people who served him shouldn’t fear him. Castiel was a servant as well, just a better positioned because he was closer to the emperor’s throne than anybody else. So there was no hierarchy in which he was higher than they were.

“Do you think I would punish you?” Castiel asks teasingly, but keeps his voice at a calm and serious tone. Wanting to see th reaction the man will give him.  

Dean’s eyes cast downwards, not wanting to meet Castiel’s gaze. Even if he was playing the part of a fearful soldier, he was gave no direct implication that he indeed feared the punishment from his lord. Castiel tilted his head and leaned forward. He moved the glass to his lips and took a sip of the red vine, his eyes never leaving Dean’s bowed head. He notices that Dean has yet to touch his glass of wine.

“And I suppose you think there is poison in that glass of wine?” Castiel asked again, more amusement flowing from his voice and Dean responded to the change. Castiel raised an eyebrow as he realised Dean was observant enough to catch the change in his voice.

“No, my lord, I would never presume such a thing.” Dean says seriously, but Castiel knew there was something in the way he said. Something in that slightly deeper tone of voice he used that made him feel eerie.

Hazel eyes gazing at him in almost like a challenge and Castiel came to a sudden realisation that this was a warrior before him. A man who faced armies of barbarians and enemies of Rome and came out as a winner. The man raised the glass to his lips and took a sip, hazel eyes burning in the dim light and Castiel felt something in the pit of his stomach. Something as dark as well as bright and it reminded him of summer. Dean licks his lips as he moves the glass away and Castiel can’t help but stare at those pouty lips.

“Ah... I’m never sure nowadays. People always liked to poison other people.” Castiel tries to avert his own mind from the path that it was slowly gliding toward. The long forgotten sense of lust and the need.

Castiel takes a breath as he lowers the glass to the table, deciding to quit with drinking while he was still sober and sane enough not to do something stupid. With his own guard that Commodus appointed to guard him.

“Yes, sir. That is true. Our grand history is full of it.” Dean nods and Castiel looks at those lisp again wondering what they would taste like. He shakes his head abruptly and grabs his glass, drinking teh rest of the wine in two big gulps.

He looks at Dean who is now watching him with intent eyes, hint of amusement at the corner of his lips. There he goes with the lips again. He should go to his room and go to sleep alone as every night. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? He was tired of being alone all the time and the longing just ate him up. He was quite sure even Commodus caught up on that fact since he once again mentioned it would do good for Castiel to take a wife.

And Castiel indeed would if he were to meet an amazing woman that would just take his breath away. One who was beautiful on the inside and outside. Who had a mind of her own and was not afraid to say what she thinks. Someone he could trust and let his guard down and make him laugh. But he still had to find such a woman.

“It’s getting late, I’m sure you’re tired.” Castiel says and moves to stand up, feeling the effect of the four glasses of wine. He smiles as he hears the voice of his own father telling him how he was always such a light drunk. He sways a little bit before he grabs at the arm of the chair and sighs.

“My lord, are you well?” Dean moves as well and suddenly there is a warm presence at his side. So warm and comforting. Nothing like when Lucius got close.

He looks up at hazel eyes so bright and vivid and he wishes he was like that. That he had a soul as bright as vivid as Dean had. Because under the entire exterior of an amazing soldier with control and power, Castiel could see who really Dean was. A caring man who was capable of making everybody laugh. He saw him each day while he spoke with the rest of the servants in the house. It felt like he had no worry in his world and that laughter came so easily as it bubbled out from Dean’s lips. Those so pretty lips.

Castiel leaned into the solid warmth and touched his hand to Dean’s chest plate. The golden lines swimming before his eyes with the way the light fell on them. Castiel looked up again in those hazel eyes and saw amber lights playing around the clash of brown and green, making Dean look so young. Those lips moved again and before he even knew what he was doing, he leaned in and tasted them. Pressing his lips against Dean’s and sighing as he realised he was wrong. They didn’t just feel warm. They felt smooth and so soft and tasted of wine and summer.

He closed his eyes as he drowned in the taste and feel of the man when he realised Dean was frozen against him. Then the realisation hit him. He was kissing his own guard, drunk on four glasses of wine. He moves away and sways in his attempt to get as far as he can. Strong hands pull at him, grabbing at his arms and hip and they pull him back. No doubt saving him from the fall and utter embarrassment.

“I’m sorry...” He starts mumbling apologies for the molesting. He had no right to do this to his own loyal guard who was nothing but a very amazing protector. He had no right of using him like this.

“Don’t...” He hears Dean say and blinks in shock at the man. He could see the way shock and something that could be called lust perhaps burned in those eyes. “Don’t say you’re sorry.”

Something snaps in those hazel eyes and it’s like fire when Dean kisses him. Castiel really didn’t see it coming so he gasped when those warm lips pressed against his. It took him a moment or two to actually respond while Dean’s tongue licked over his bottom lip. He gasped and parted his lips, pressing closer to Dean’s body. Not sure whether it was for balance or the heat was too alluring to get away from it. Maybe it was both, he thought with a smile when the slick tongue licked at his lower lip and slid between his lips. He produced a soft mewling sound and felt his body melt against Dean’s when those strong arms pulled him closer and his own moved around the broad shoulders. Moving over the metal plates on his shoulders and into that hair that was the colour of the sand in the arena and tangled his fingers in it.

There was a gasp from somewhere, but he wasn’t sure who made it. The sound so foreign to his ears that he couldn’t place it anywhere. His tongue slid over Dean’s and the heat exploded in Castiel’s brain and body. Dean’s lips moved from his and he kissed over Castiel’s jaw. Making Castiel’s head tilt back as goosebumps rose over his skin. Teeth scraping all the way to his ear where husky and deep voice sounded so delicious it made shivers play up and down his spine.

“I’m yours to do what you want me to, sir.” The words made him shiver before he fully registered them. Dean’s lisp started sucking on his neck and Castiel groaned.

Sir, he called him a sir. This man was his guard and he was now pleasing his master. Making up a mask of a perfect lover for him and all ready for Castiel to use. But he couldn’t. He felt himself sobering up a little at the disgusted thought of Dean not really wanting this. Rape. It felt like rape to Castiel. He shook his head wildly and pushed the man away.

“No!” This is the second time this night that he said that word. Though he meant it both times, he actually felt himself wanting the armoured man. “I’m not your master and you’re not my slave. I’m not using you for my own perverted pleasure.”

He was pretty sure he was yelling, judging by the shock on Dean’s face and the way he took a step back. The fire still burning inside of his body and the longing more stronger than ever, but he will not lean into the temptation of a seemingly willing body. Castiel glares at the man and feels his heart pounding strongly in his chest.

“But you’re not...” Dean starts, obviously finding his voice, but Castiel was having none of this.

“No. I’m not like those people who use everything and everybody like it doesn’t matter. Like there are no consequences, like people aren’t people but some twisted puppets.” It was an explosion in his head and he didn’t know how to stop the oncoming wave of emotions and words kept falling from his lips. “I will not just take what I want from a man who thinks this atrocity is his duty!”

He felt sick to his stomach and he knew he wont be able to control it much longer so he just rushes by Dean and runs down the hallway. Leaving the man in shock no doubt, but he just couldn’t take it anymore. He knew he was weak and a coward and he did what he swore never to do, but he had to run now. Run as fast as he could from the presence of that man.

Castiel finds his room and storms inside, slamming the doors shot behind him. He takes in a deeper breath and slumps against the doors, feeling the weight of the world land on his chest. Castiel tried to reason with himself, explaining to his mind that this wasn’t a big deal. It was just a misunderstanding. Something he did while he was drunk on wine and on the sensation of loneliness. He was overreacting and he was behaving like mindless idiot. He was suppose to be the rational one, yet he wanted the ground to open up and take him. He sighs as he buries his face in his hands and fears what will happen in the morning when he has to face his guard again. Because this went too far. He already felt some kind of affection and want toward the man with hazel eyes, but that man had duty toward the emperor to guard him and Castiel will have to forget about any feelings of longing.


Dean expected many things tonight. He was a soldier and he was trained to withstand any given situation and problem. But by the mighty gods of Rome, he never saw this coming. The little man was nothing like he first thought he was. He was capable of reading any human being and give out a decision on whether they lied or were enemies, but Dean just couldn’t read the this man. Then Castiel went and turned the tables on him. Reading him so well as if Dean was an open book. It was unnerving yet so intense and crazy. Those blue eyes looking right through him and for some scary reason, they liked what they saw because Castiel kept pushing and looked amused by it all.

As a soldier he never had that. He was always a mask of perfect obedience, loyally and a high class of fighting. Giving people exactly what they wanted and looked for him to do. But with this man, he was failing. He failed at moment one when the man was nothing but a confused friend to a powerful emperor. And now, Dean completely failed. It was exhilarating, though Dean will never admit it publicly. The sense of someone looking so deep inside of you that they get you gave Dean shivers all over his body. But then Castiel started fidgeting and everything went a bit hazy from there.

One minute he was holding the boy of his master and trying to save him from smashing his head against the marble floor, because what would the emperor say when Dean says his friend hit his head and died while drunk on wine. Then the next, he had a pair of the softest lips he ever felt pressed against his. Dean froze. His body going rigid in a shock and he couldn’t even think. The image of Castiel’s naked body bathed in water and heated from the steam haunted his days and nights and now was playing very vividly in his mind.

It all ended before he got time to respond properly. Castiel pushed away and Dean almost whine with the loss. The man swayed dangerously and Dean pulled him back against himself. Holding him tight and then Castiel started apologising. Dean didn’t want any apologies, he just wanted those lips again. He wanted to taste them and bite at that pouty upper lip that drew him mad till Castiel moans. He just had to do it.

He did it on instinct, that primal urge to claim another person as yours and make them writhe against your own body. He kisses those lips and drinks in the gasp Castiel produces. The man responds to his kiss and it’s like Jupiter strikes him with a lightning bolt. His body coming alive as Castiel opens to the kiss and Dean licks at the bottom lip. Tasting wine and forest and just drowning in it all. Drowning in Castiel. He made so many women and men moan with reckless abandon, but it never sounded so good as when Castiel mewled.

It must be some spell. It must be Venus herself doing something here because the moment Castiel’s tongue touches at his, Dean is gone. Lost forever in the arms of this man and he realises he very much shouldn’t be. This shouldn’t be happening. Castiel was his master and Dean was just his servant, guard. Dean’s place was with other servants, but Dean could very well share Castiel’s bed. If the master wished so.

“I’m yours to do what you want me to, sir.” He says against Castiel’s ear, hoping Castiel would realise that he wasn’t pushing him into anything. That he wasn’t thinking that he meant something more to Castiel.

Dean never even realised what kind of a mistake he just did. It felt as if the lightning bolt turned from very good to awful and Castiel tore himself away from him. Word no registered in his mind and Dean could feel his heart sink onto the pit of his stomach. Then it felt like a tidal wave. Words kept falling from Castiel’s mouth and Dean barely kept up. Part of it was due to the fact that the sight of a flushed and flustered, angry Castiel did strange things to his lower regions and part of it to the fact that Castiel just implied that he thought Dean saw this as his perverted duty. 

What did just happen? Dean wasn’t sure what to think anymore. Clearly Castiel wanted it, but he didn’t want Dean to whore himself out to his master. Dean didn’t believe that Castiel really thought of them as equal. It was ridiculous, right? But with everything Castiel told him tonight and the things Dean witnessed with his own eyes, he really should have known better. And suddenly it all made sense. Castiel’s bed was empty because nobody wanted to share it with him because they felt affection toward him or true deep need.

It was so insane and disbelieving that Dean couldn’t help but laugh. Dean was indeed a loyal man, trained to do his duty, but wanting that crazy little man was no duty. It was a need and a longing and he should inform Castiel of that particular issue. This most definitely wasn’t any duty that he felt toward the emperor. But by the time he thought of all that, Castiel ran away. he had to give him credit. He sure ran fast for a man who was drunk. Dean feared he might run into a wall, but no he ran fast down teh hallway without any interruption till he found the room.

Dean knew he will have to do something now and he has to do it really fast before everything goes to waste and Castiel overanalyses it with his oversized brain. He speeds down the hallway till he reaches the master bedroom and knocks on the door. He would just barge in, but Castiel would probably just get pissed at that. So he knocks again when he hears a muffled sound.

“What?” It sounded so close to the doors and Dean had to wonder if perhaps Castiel was sitting pressed to the door.

“We need to talk.” He says hopefully Castiel will be rational enough to at least let him explain.

“There is really nothing to talk about.” Castiel says almost with a sharp edge to his voice and Dean rolls his eyes.

“There really is, Castiel. Now open the door and let me in.” Dean says with a smile on his lips and a sharp tone of his voice.

Seconds tick away and it feels like days before the doors slam open and a wide eyed Castiel stands before him with a frown on his face forming in matter of seconds. There was still some heat clouding those bright eyes, but Dean could also see fear. What was Castiel so afraid of? If Castiel wanted Dean then Dean won’t be complaining at all because Dean wanted him as well. but the little man was obviously crazy so Dean has to make it clear properly.

“I resent the fact that you just called me a whore.” Dean says frowning slightly at the man, but his voice remained amused as he watched those expressions change on Castiel’s face from pissed off to shocked. “I may be capable of doing anything for duty and my emperor, but fucking precious gems that the emperor appointed me to guard is not on that list.”

The shock on Castiel’s face was so amazing that it made Dean smile in triumph. He was no doubt getting laid soon. Or thrown out of the house. Either way he was screwed and he figured this was worth loosing your head over. Besides, he knew Castiel would never do such a thing as order the death of him or throw him out of the house. Castiel just didn’t have it in him. The humanity of this seemingly not human man was beyond anything Dean has ever seen. It was amazing and Dean was addicted to it.

“Excuse me? You said...” Castiel starts and Dean cuts him of with a sharp wave of his hand.

“I know what I said, but you don’t know why I said it. I want you and I know I’m not allowed to want my master so I figured you wanted us to be clear of what I am to you. That’s why I said it.”

It was so clear to him, but he didn’t know whether it will reach Castiel’s rational mind. Especially in this state of utter panic. Because that was what Castiel was obviously doing. Panicking like a professional.

“What?” Castiel blinked at him in confusion and he realised this won’t get far tonight. He will leave Castiel to his own thoughts and just go to bed. Alone.

“See, I’m a loyal soldier and I will do my duty and guard your life. But be sure that when I want something or someone, it is because I want them. It’s no duty at all.” He moves closer and stands right in Castiel’s personal space, gazing at those madly blue eyes that looked like they were stolen from Venus herself. “And I always get what I want, Castiel.”

He winked at the man and turned around when those lips parted in a gasp and those blue eyes glazed over with heat. Letting him think about what he just said. He strolled down the hallway to his room, smiling as his hand touched at his lips, still feeling the soft tingle Castiel’s lips put there.